Four Women’s Honest and Inspiring Stories Through Pregnancy and Birth During a Pandemic

The birth journey and post-partum period is a beautiful, raw and messy process. It comes in many forms and can happen in a variety of places. At the center of the most empowering birth stories is a sense of choice and inner strength. The choice to move through pregnancy in a way that fits your lifestyle and beliefs. The choice to labor in a way that enables your body to feel safe. The freedom to have your partner, family members, or doula beside you as you undergo this transformative experience.

In 2020 these choices and freedoms were being taken from women as they experienced pregnancy within a pandemic, and it impacted every aspect of their journey. We wondered what this meant for the women, the people around them, and their babies, and so we met four amazing families who allowed us a window into their experiences. Some felt a new determination to birth at home, some felt the impact of the isolation post-birth keenly, while others found a renewed connection to their partners.

In birthing our children, we birth a new version of ourselves, and each woman’s experience has a lot to teach each of us about our own resilience and power. Through our images and words, allow us to introduce you to these four Lionesses.

Cher

For so many, the pandemic has forced us into situations that have confronted us with uncomfortable truths, forced us to live through experiences that have redefined our priorities and how we see ourselves. Talking to Cher, I was left with the sense that she hadn’t changed at all, just stepped further and further into her true nature. From the beginning of her pregnancy, things went well and followed the pattern of her previous experiences. That was until two weeks before her due date when the first lockdown hit, and her midwife and hospital were both unexpectedly changed.

‘I went from a really calm pregnancy to worrying uncertainty.’

After trying to build a rapport with the new midwife, fighting to retain her birth plan and the goal of having as natural a birth as possible, Cher found herself two weeks ‘overdue’ and with pressure building against her wishes.

‘It was the oddest experience having to barter with the consultant on where I would be “allowed to birth”’.

Thankfully she went into spontaneous labor. Once at the hospital her partner was left outside while she continued alone to face repeated interruptions and questions that she couldn’t deflect while trying to maintain the internal bubble that would enable her to birth calmly and confidently.

‘Without Kieran there, I was just pacing the room fighting the urge to push, I didn’t want him to miss it. So much of it was a blur because I tried as much as possible to close my eyes and allow everything to go on around me while I just concentrated on my baby’.

Some women use their voices to help them through the surges, others go quiet, and we all have different pain thresholds. Once the team realized how quickly Cher was progressing and Kieran was allowed to be by her side, the birth became managed rather than supported.

‘It’s the time first I was made to feel that I was totally incapable of birthing my baby naturally, it was the most surreal feeling being controlled at such a time of surrender.’

Listening to Cher tell her story, I was struck by the sense of her witnessing the panic and lockdown fuelled control of the medical staff. From the urging by her midwife pre-labor that because of the lockdown things could go very wrong, to the taking over of her baby’s first moments by the delivery team. Through all of this, she managed to hold their emotions and opinions at bay and stay strong in her own center and knowledge of herself. This meant that as soon as they could they were back at home, with the doors shut firmly against the world, ready to return to their relaxed and calm environment and family bubble.

‘My advice for other newly pregnant women would be to trust yourself! Your body is capable of so much more than you could ever imagine, and it’s perfectly made, to carry and birth your baby. Every child and every birth has taught me something new about myself. Embrace every moment because you’ll never have that exact experience again.’

Rebeka

Rebeka’s journey began unexpectedly with the terrifying words, ovarian cancer. She had been suffering from stomach pains for some time before a cyst was found on her left ovary, and while surgery solved one problem, she had to go through the realization that having children with her partner might never happen. After heartfelt discussions, they decided that although it was sooner than they had planned, having children together was something they wanted without question and they quickly found themselves expecting. Then, of course, the pandemic began.

As a woman with anxiety and PTSD being separated from her partner for appointments was difficult, as was the experience of continually changing midwives. Rebeka’s pregnancy while happy was not easy, she struggled through extended morning sickness and had several hospital visits due to extremely painful trapped air and reduced baby movements.

The pressure in the last months to commit to a hospital birth felt intense as she was reminded at each appointment that the team only had two midwives on call at any one time so may not be able to come to her if she went into labor at night, and due to the pandemic ambulances may not be available if they were needed.

The only safe place for Rebeka seemed to be home. Living with both her Mother and partner meant that she would have guaranteed emotional and physical support and would not be forced to experience any of her labor alone. She experienced constant anxiety that if she agreed to hospital birth, the rules could be changed at any moment forbidding her partner from being at her side.

After being woken up in the early hours with her first tightening, things progressed slowly but steadily and by mid-afternoon, she called for the midwife to come and check her progress. She was told that she was only 3cm dilated and that as there was another home birth already in progress if things went quickly for her she would have to transfer to a hospital. By 5 pm Rebeka found herself unable to talk through the contractions so her partner called for the midwives but was told there were still none available. Refusing to accept this her partner stood their ground.

‘After a few back-and-forth phone calls they offered to send two midwives from a different area, however, we had to wait as they had to get insurance approval.’

From there, things moved quickly with one team of midwives being replaced by the local ones at shift change at 8 pm.

‘The next thing I remember is me wanting to push as my body was already doing it, it was beautifully instinctual. When his little face was out, he immediately started crying and this was the most amazing sound I have ever heard. He was not even out yet but was already crying and looking around! My mum looked at him and told me how beautiful he was! This I will never forget.’

The love haze and exhaustion hit and things became a blur, but each need was met by the support around her. Soon enough Rebeka was ready to climb into her own bed with her beautiful new boy beside her.

‘After all the difficulty during my pregnancy and the long, hard labor, I still look back at it with a full heart and no regrets. I could not have done this without the support I received from Richard AND my Mum. I needed both of them with me, which would not have been possible in a hospital or midwife-led unit.’

Rachel

Rachel’s experience of birthing during a pandemic was one that centered on her awareness of the support mothers need to be able to feel safe, and babies need to thrive. After a difficult first two trimesters with inconsistent support from the local NHS team, she made the choice to seek out private midwifery care and felt instant relief on meeting the Wessex Independent Midwives who enabled her to have a beautiful birth experience.

As a mental health care professional Rachel was fully aware of her needs, those of her toddler and of her newborn. She had worked hard to create a rhythm of stability, connection, and predictability to support them but with each new restriction, she found herself feeling isolated and worried that she was letting her boys down.

When your family is physically distant as Rachel’s are in Northern Ireland, and even the restricted walk in a local park with friends isn’t allowed, life with young children can be hard. We say ‘it takes a village’ but throughout the pandemic, we have taken the village away and women are all too often finding themselves without the support systems they have relied on for connection, support, and play for their toddlers, who let’s face it can be exhausting after the thousandth game of hide and seek when they hide in the exact same place!

‘I’m actually pretty resentful and angry. I feel like everything I wanted from my maternity leave had been taken away and I didn’t get a say.’

There is no way to be around other mums and their children, to hear and see that everything you are worrying about is normal, and to be reminded that you are doing an amazing job. Which for Rachel is undeniably true. Tandem feeding, doing as many of the activities she would have done in groups alone at home with the boys, spending as much one-on-one time as possible with them both, and all amidst home renovations… it’s a huge task that she succeeds at in the best way she can. From the moment you find out you are pregnant, worrying becomes second nature, and that is why more than ever we need the support of others to see us for all our achievements and soothe us through our doubts.

Rachel’s story is one that I feel many of us can identify with, parents to a newborn or not, in that sense during this pandemic that your whole life feels on hold, and all the plans you had made are being blocked at every step. The sense that all control and autonomy had been taken away, leading to deep frustrations and resentment. Rachel’s story is also one of strength and determination, of knowing what you think is best for your children and committing to providing that for them even when it is hard.

While we talked about her choice for private midwifery care, she commented that it is the price that tends to put people off. However, for Rachel, the service she was paying for was to be supported and cared for in the way that she deserved. Yes, all women deserve that care but sadly it has not always been available during the pandemic. By acknowledging and accepting her worth, Rachel was able to make choices that provided her baby with the best birth she could offer him, she made friends for life in the process and created a container she could feel safe in.

‘You can listen to other people and their experience, but it is most important to listen to yourself, your wants, and your priorities. Make informed decisions but recognize you are the expert in yourself and your baby (nobody knows either better).’

Jessica

Hyperemesis can at worst be life-threatening and at best be isolating and debilitating. For Jessica, it meant being bed-bound for most of her pregnancy, which with a little boy to care for would have been hard enough, but factor in a world pandemic and life could have become impossible. Instead, she and her partner chose to allow their love for each other to fill all the lonely spaces.

The phrase that comes to mind after listening to Jessica speak is ‘fierce love’, both in her love and determination for the health and happiness of her family, but also in the love of Stew to protect and care for her when she needed him most.

‘He’ll do anything to protect and keep me safe. Even when I couldn’t speak for myself during hospital admissions he fought for me, for my needs to be met and listened to.’

It’s easy to see how knowing that with such certainty enabled Jessica to move through the painful aspects of being overwhelmed with joy to be pregnant while at the same time physically unable to move because her sickness was so bad. We are told that a pregnant woman should be happy and glowing, but when you don’t fit that experience, you can feel robbed of a rite of passage.

The first lockdown occurred during the final months of their pregnancy, and the gift of Stew being furloughed meant he could offer daytime hands-on support with Noah which was desperately needed.

Once in labor, they were faced with being separated at the hospital until the staff decided she had moved into active labor. Jessica described those hours as the longest of her life, as she struggled through the waves of contractions while desperately missing Noah and knowing Stew was waiting outside unable to enter.

‘I couldn’t relax. I was alone behind curtains, hearing other women cry out in pain. I felt vulnerable and I didn’t have my husband by my side and on my side.’

They were separated once more after birth as Jessica and Jemima had to stay in overnight, and yet again the bubble of love and support that they create together was intruded into.

As soon as they were allowed, they went home to begin the next part of their journey. While the lockdown rules meant no one could come into their home and their families found it hard, their wishes were respected even though the inability to hug them or allow Jemima to be held by her grandparents was heartbreaking. Again, they found a way to turn an enforced restriction into an opportunity to have precious time to find their way together, alone. It offered them permission to slow down every aspect of life, to let go of society’s expectations of how Jessica felt she ‘should’ be as a wife and mother, and instead allowed space to follow her own instincts about what was best for her children and her family as a whole.

‘I feel closer to him emotionally than I have ever been before.’

With all the challenges they have weathered as a couple it has made them infinitely stronger as individuals and united as a family who knows what is best for them and is grateful for everything that they have.

“Even when I feel at my weakest I’m still strong, even when I feel alone I’m not.’

In listening to the stories of these four women I learned a lot about the resilience we have all had to dig into over the past year. I learned how no matter the circumstances, or how elements out of their control impacted them, each woman made a conscious choice to get familiar with the core of who she was and what she stood for. It was from that place of self-awareness and strength that they could navigate the most challenging of times.

Birth will always be a raw and vulnerable experience, one that pushes us to the edge of who we believe we are and what we are able to endure. The events of the last year intensified that process, and Cher, Rebeka, Rachel, and Jessica each rose to meet the difficult journey.

Through their stories, these Lionesses have offered us a reminder of the transformative nature of birth, and to trust our instinctual selves and our vision for our families, and with that, at our core, we can weather any storm.