Female Creative Drive

‘Does your drive to succeed reflect a fear that you will never be enough?’
The Dance by Oriah Mountain Dreamer 

On first read, the impact of those words is physical. They land in my chest and my shoulder fold inward to protect an old wound reopened.

Not good enough.

Isn’t that the big fear, the dog snapping at my heels keeping me moving and unable to rest? But then I wonder at the shame attached to this word ‘drive’. How similar it is to ambitious? Another word which is such a positive attribute when used to describe a man.

What if my drive, my ambition for myself is rooted in the awareness of my own potential, rather than a need to prove myself worthy to others? What if deep down I believe in my own version of success and I am determined to never ever limit myself?

So often recently, I find myself realising how illusive ‘truth’ is. We tell ourselves and each other so many stories we easily forget who their authors are. So here with this sentence, is it a fear of not being enough or a fear that you will never realise all that you have the potential to be?

One brings up shame, insecurities and doubt so profound as to be paralysing. The other demands that you recognise and accept all that you have the ability to be. Perhaps is it more challenging to admit to ourselves that we are limitless, that ‘worthy’ is irrelevant because just by existing we have the right to fulfil all that we came here for. Isn’t it always harder to try and fail, rather than to plan to try and hold tight to the excuse that if only you had more time/money/help you could achieve your dreams.

When we have ‘drive’ we are reminded of our insecurities and told that perhaps we are only doing it because we’re so desperate for the approval of others. So we pause our endeavours and head back to our safe spaces to do ‘the work’ we clearly need to do. But I wonder if often sentences like this are just a new and more inventive wall for us to breakdown.

Having drive is not a negative. Being ambitious is not a negative. Believing in yourself and having the courage to step into your dreams might just be your way of proving what deep down you already know… you are enough, and you always were.

We encourage a competitive nature in boys and men, why can we not support it in women? We encourage ambition on countless career paths, why not the creative ones?

I think women are natural creatives, and while there may be doubt and damage to overcome due to the journeys our lives have taken, there is also a constant and urgent whisper urging us on. That whisper knows who you are, why you are here and can never fully let go. That intuition and internal muse is our competitive spirit, our dreams their goals, our resolves their drive.

When the only person you have to prove your worth to is yourself, your drive can be the only part of you strong enough to pick you up when fear pushes you down.

We’ve worked for years to level the playing field, but our inner landscape has always been the domain of our toughest challenger. Let’s reframe and change the narrative, we are worthy so let’s show it!

Originally published in The Fireside, a writer’s community created by The Kindred Voice. https://www.thekindredvoice.com/